Why does it feel intimidating to get started? What are we scared of?
Many times I think we are scared simply because some things are physically and/or mentally uncomfortable, and we’d rather not do them. We’d rather not exercise, take an exam, schedule an appointment, go to work, or get out of bed. The thought of these things makes us want to escape away into something much more comfortable. We shrink from the challenge.
We also fear failure. Perfectionists fear failure for the same reasons everyone does: disappointment, embarrassment, and the discouraging thought of having to try again (or perhaps not having the opportunity to try again). The embarrassment factor is magnified for perfectionists because not only do we want to appear successful in the eyes of others, but we can’t tolerate seeing ourselves fall short.
The more difficult something is and the more we fear letting ourselves down, the more intimidating it is to get started. Unfortunately, many times this means we feel most intimidated by the most important things, so we are least likely to take them on. It is sad and frustrating to be sidelined by intimidation that exists only in our heads.
Intimidation is fear, but it’s also the sickening feeling that we aren’t up to the task—that we can’t do it. And the more excuses we can make, the greater chance intimidation will win. I have found in intimidating situations when I can turn “can’ts” into “musts” I have a much greater chance of overcoming the intimidation that keeps me from starting. For example, most of the time getting started is the most difficult part of exercising—the trip from my bed to the front door can be more difficult than the workout itself. But if someone is waiting on my front porch to go with me, I’ve replaced some of the reasons I can’t do it with incentives or motivations that I must do it.
Like the example above, I’ve found that keeping commitments to others is one of the best ways to push through intimidating situations. I’ve also found that material incentives can be motivating. I have gone so far as to set up a bet with someone where every time I don’t keep my commitment I owe them money—enough that it will hurt to lose it. Essentially I try to create some external accountability to shove me across the start line.
What is practical and what will motivate us are very personal. I don’t think losing a $100 bet is going to motivate someone to get out of bed in the morning; there is clearly more on the line in that situation. However, many times the intimidation of getting started can only be overcome by leveraging something outside of yourself. Don’t be ashamed of that fact. We hate that it’s hard and that the strength is not entirely within us. It’s embarrassing to fail and it’s embarrassing that it is so difficult to even get started. But finding a way is not cheating nor is it weakness. Finding a way is the definition of strength in the face of intimidation.