For how long and difficult the journey can be and with what great excitement we anticipate the destination, arriving often falls flat. There is emotional release, exhilaration, or some other powerful feeling of arrival, yet it quickly fades into “What’s next?”. I have to remind myself to savor the moment for a little longer—whether it is an achievement, a vacation, or another event I’ve eagerly awaited.

I am surprised at the short length of the emotional high. I want sustained bliss and inspiration—a lasting sense of arrival. I anticipate basking in the bliss of the moment, and perhaps even permanently enjoying new, palpable restoration, confidence, and happiness. Instead I feel my mind moving on as quickly as it can, snapping back to the reality of what needs to be done next.

Especially for perfectionists, I think part of the problem is taking the destination for granted. We both hope and expect to reach our destination, so our reaction is mostly calm acceptance rather than celebration. We cheat ourselves by not allowing ourselves the satisfaction we’ve earned and the chance to catch our breath before moving on to the next thing. Personally, I think I’m anxious about spending too much time celebrating at the expense of continuing to achieve. But it is demotivating and unfair to promise yourself a celebration then leave the party early.

I also think high emotional expectations around reaching milestones can be inaccurate. It should feel great to graduate, receive a promotion, go on a meaningful trip, pass a test, complete a sports season, finish your to do list, etc., but how great and for how long? As perfectionists, we place such high value on arrival that we often inflate arrival’s actual payoff. Perhaps we want arrival to feel so good it drives us to keep achieving. Ironically, it is lack of achievement that drives us, not achievement itself.

The challenge is both allowing ourselves emotional satisfaction as well as moderating our expectations of how good it is going to feel. While I don’t think it is realistic to expect a milestone to permanently imbue us with a huge emotional boost, I do find it helpful to remind myself how milestones have the power to quietly increase our underlying level of satisfaction and confidence.