Sometimes a good habit can feel like a death sentence. We get a bright idea to stop procrastinating, control our temper, give up drinking, listen more, quit dating losers, start exercising, etc. and something about it terrifies us. We see the benefits of a good new habit, yet committing to actually doing it feels like a trap. We sense the implications and part of us wants nothing to do with it.

Many positive behaviors are not fun, so creating a habit can feel like signing yourself up for a lifelong burden. It’s hard to get excited about giving up the more comfortable way you have been doing things to gain a theoretical benefit. Different individuals face different challenges: For me, maintaining a workout routine is a grind but maintaining a household budget isn’t a problem. I know people who say the opposite.

It isn’t only the fear of long-term struggle that disquiets us. We perceive how a new habit might lead to a new lifestyle and change who we are. New habits can leave behind friends, family, places we live, work, and hang out, and the images we have about ourselves and what makes us happy. Habits transform you by leaving parts of the current you behind. Even if you want to leave parts of the current you behind, the process is still formidable. You step through a new door, you know you shouldn’t look back, but you can’t trust what is on the other side.

No surprise then we struggle to form new habits and may experience an existential crisis over learning to cook, controlling spending, or watching less TV. But you must be true to yourself; if your inner voice is asking you to try another way, you probably should. You fear the risk of betraying who you are, but the greater risk is betraying who you want to be.

Back away from the rigid thought that a habit must be an upfront, lifelong commitment. Any habit worth creating is most likely to develop one manageable step at a time, accompanied by the freedom to change course or stop as needed. Be encouraged that the daunting challenges you face today will ease as you get started, as the challenges themselves evolve, and as your new habit reveals its worth during your progress.